(The following post is oriented towards ladies who are looking for gentlemen on OKCupid, as that is the only dynamic that I have experience with. Please feel free to reply/reblog with your own experiences.)

So a lovely anon messaged me that they were considering joining OKCupid, but were worried about the response (or lack thereof) that they would get, and wanted my advice. All three of the relationships I’ve been in were with guys whom I met online, and the above photoset is sort of an illustration of my personal strategy and my advice to others: the key to meeting cool guys on OKCupid is to really own who you are and what you’re about. Whether you message him first or he messages you first, he will be examining your profile and questions, so that’s your chance to express yourself.

I want to be with a guy who thinks I’m funny and entertaining, because “funny and entertaining” is my thing that I do. So I try to be amusing in my profile and in the comments to the questions I answered. Any time you answer a question, it will pop up on guys’ front pages under “recent activity.” I’ve gotten lots of messages from guys who said, “I saw that question you answered and it was hilarious.” Not every one of them was a solid romantic prospect, but some are, and in any event it’s always encouraging just to see nice messages from other human beings.

If your profile is nothing but vague platitudes like, “I like to go out and have fun with friends, but I also like to have nights in with popcorn and DVDs,” you won’t stand out very much, and a larger proportion of your messages will be from creepazoids who send generic messages to every girl whose profile they’ve skimmed.

Instead, write a profile that highlights your unique qualities. And don’t think that you have to come off as society’s definition of attractive and successful. What good will that do you anyway, to only get messages from men who are looking for society’s definition of attractive and successful? Instead talk about YOU:

“I will own your ass in Mario Kart and you will love it.”

“If I could have dinner with any celebrity, it would be Bub the cat.”

“I’d like to try ballroom dancing, rock-climbing, and geocaching, but first I need to figure out how to turn off my computer and leave the house.”

Doing this, you will deter the men whom you wouldn’t want to hear from anyway, and at the same time you’ll get more messages and replies from guys who share your interests and are looking for a woman who has whatever qualities you have.

  1. ceruleanfinch reblogged this from berlynn-wohl
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  6. aprillikesthings reblogged this from berlynn-wohl and added:
    Berlynn, were I single, and you were into ladies, your answers would totally inspire me to message you on OKC. These are...
  7. jomk said: This is brilliant. Thanks!
  8. hovering-giraffes reblogged this from berlynn-wohl
  9. dashcommaslash said: yeah, there’s research about getting more messages if you highlight your oddities. the classic example’s the pretty girl with the big nose—the guy thinks, “I think girls with big noses are hot, but not that many guys do, so I have a shot with her”
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  15. catalystcml said: I met my husband on OkCupid. I got lots of creepy messages but who cares? The delete button works for free!
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  23. hedwig-dordt reblogged this from berlynn-wohl and added:
    I just ended up with the boy next door. But if you’re looking at online dating, this seems a solid advice.
  24. blue-crow said: I can’t believe you’re having romantic trouble with answers like these.
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